Sometimes I’m afraid to share my work cause it feels almost embarrassing. But I feel like embarrassment is really stemming from the vulnerability of it. I don’t really know what it all means when I do things like this, but the meaning is always there. Just like with everything else. Just gotta look, you know?
This one came first. Been watching MTV’s Downtown on YouTube and it was kinda inspired by it. I was listening to music while drawing and I kept going for the sad songs. I guess I’ve been kind of sad. I bought concert tickets to a band that was described as like, emo-punk-math rock. Probably an indicator of my sadness. But also buying concert tickets when the world is the way it is feels futile and self-serving; I know its supporting the arts and building community and coming together in a space where we can find reprieve from the world and move toward a more vibrant future. Last time I went to a concert, I went alone and found a literal Angel. The universe showed up for me in a way I wasn’t expecting. In fact, it was a lot better than what I imagined. Unfortunately it doesn’t suppress the unease and constant feeling that nothing matters, but it makes it a whole lot easier to believe that statement just isn’t true.
There is a bunch of personal stuff in there that I think my brain was trying to work out. Stuff within my own life and in the grand scheme of things. I started on a page that had the scribbles in the bottom right corner already there. Who knows from when. I didn’t realize until talking a picture of it that amidst the scribbles was my name. Certainly fits the theme.
This one came next. Blank page this time. I feel nostalgic a lot and I know it’s a way to seek comfort but it also feels like a new path forward. Something about this feels nostalgic to me. Sometimes I think I feel things that I just don’t have the vocabulary to explain. The house kinda looks like the house I grew up in. Sometimes I wish I could run home and hide, until I look around and realize that nostalgia is only gonna keep me trapped. I’m happy where I am now and I think we all should hold on to the belief that those good feelings will arise from our future, not just our past. A therapist told me one time that I’m always so focused on what could go wrong. She just said “what if it all went right?”
I think of that statement often.
